En la muerte
by Dark Riven
Summary: The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid" Set in the future: Harry is stuck with an unhealthy addiction and a sick lover. When a terrible tragedy strikes he may never be the same again...
1. Default Chapter

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Just to prove that I'm still alive I give you this awesome piece of crap! I got stuck on the sequel to There and Back and while watching Donnie Darko (I love Frank the bunny!) the idea for this came and bashed me in the head till I sat down and typed it up. So it's not my fault if this one sucks, blame the plot bunnies! Right well that's all really just another reminder that I don't want any flames for this. Flames are just another method of proving some peoples sheer stupidity and if you do decide to be lame and immature and flame me after I told you not to then you will just prove my little theory that flamers are idiots.

Disclaimer: Don't own so don't sue.

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Nicotine Patch

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'There is not an instance in time where fate cannot intervene'

"Where are you going?"

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*Shit* Harry cursed to himself, he had almost made it out the door without him knowing.

"I asked you a question Harry." Draco snapped striding out of their bedroom and situating himself between Harry and the door.

"Work, I got called in." Harry muttered looking away from Draco. He had never been any good at lying and even worse when trying to lie to Draco. Draco crossed his arms over his chest, silver eyes going hard like ice as he narrowed them in anger.

"Bullshit you are!"

"I am I gave to meet some of the guys from work." Harry insisted. There it wasn't exactly a lie. Draco snorted.

"Yeah sure, meeting them so you can get drunk again."

"No" Harry protested feebly eyes gazing longingly towards the door. _So close._

"You are stop lying to me!"

"Alright so what if I am!" Harry shouted.

"What if you are?" Draco asked disbelief evident in his voice. "What if you are? How many times have you been out boozing with your work buddies this week alone?"

Silence.

"Just as I thought." Draco said softly "You've even lost count."

"I have not." Harry said defiantly. Green eyes beginning to flash in rising anger.

"Then how many?!" Draco yelled.

"Stop being such a whinger Draco! I wanna go out and have some fun what's the big deal?"

"You wanna?' Draco asked eyes narrowing to almost slits as the regarded his lover. His unsteady stance and sloppy words.

"You've been drinking already haven't you?"

"No!"

"Yes you have I cant believe you it isn't even ten yet!"

Silence once more from Harry. Draco shook his head sadly.

"You've got a problem Harry."

"I do no-"

"Yes you do." Draco interrupted "You do when your out to who knows how late getting drunk every night. You do when you have to drink before ten in the morning." Draco paused gazing at him sadly "Why won't you get help?"

"Because I don't need it!" Harry snapped hands curling into fists at his side.

"You act like I'm doing something dangerous, I'm allowed to have a little fun every now and again aren't I?"

"Not when it's like this!" Draco yelled.

"Oh I see" Harry whispered coldly "Just because your livers riddled with cancer and you cant drink you feel you have the right to stop me from doing it don't you?"

Draco reeled back as if he had been slapped, mouth dropping open in shock. He blinked away tears rapidly, stung by Harry's harsh words. Throughout his and Harry's various fights Harry had never taken such a cheap shot before.

"How dare you" Draco choked out "You bastard, you absolute bastard."

Harry's eyes widened as what he had just said registered fully in his brain. He reached out towards Draco with an unsteady hand to apologize. Draco angrily slapped it away.

"Don't even fucking think about touching me right now!"

"That's it Draco I've had enough of this shit! We do this every night!" Harry yelled throwing his arms up in exasperation.

"We only fight because of what you're doing to yourself!" Draco retorted.

"We've been through this I don't have a problem."

"Yes you do!"

"That's it Draco, I'm leaving. Now."

"Like hell you are!" Draco seethed glaring up at his slightly taller lover not budging from his spot.

"Move Draco or I will move you myself."

"You wouldn't **dare**."

Angered already beyond belief from the their fight, and previously consumed alcohol clouding his judgement, Harry's hackles rose from the challenge in Draco's words and he lashed out, his open palm catching Draco across the face. The blow wasn't particularly forceful but it did catch Draco completely by surprise and he stumbled sideways and fell to the ground. Draco stared up at Harry eyes wide, shocked. Sure they had come to blows before during their fights but it had always been him who would lash out first. Harry was naturally gently towards others, reluctant to hurt anyone unless he had to and even when Draco did ever attempt to hit him Harry was extremely hesitant in fighting back. The fact that Harry had actually slapped him, hard or not, first was shocking and more than a little frightening to Draco who knew that his lover was actually much stronger than he was. 

Harry himself was surprised at what he had done. If he had been completely sober he would have been horrified but right now he only felt a sense of satisfaction at having removed the obstacle from his path. He turned towards the door and had his hand on the doorknob when Draco spoke up again.

"If you leave now, I wont be here when you get back." The words were spoken softly but with hard determination.

"Are you threatening me?" Harry growled whirling around to face Draco who was still on the floor gazing at him with an unreadable expression that unnerved him.

"Don't you dare threaten me." Harry snapped, green eyes blazing. "Don't you dare ever threaten me!" He raised his hand as if to strike Draco again. Draco involuntarily flinched back expecting a harsh blow but when he received none he looked up at Harry uncertainly. Harry still had his hand raised but was staring down at him blankly now. A moment of silence passed between them before Harry let his hand drop to hang limply by his side.

"I'll be back later." He muttered before flinging open the door and striding out leaving Draco alone, no longer trying to fight the tears streaming down his face.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting on the sofa staring blankly at the wall but sharp knocking suddenly snapped him out of his trance and he glanced towards the door irritably. He was tempted to just ignore it and hope that whoever it was would just leave as he was is no mood for any visitors. Whoever it was must have really wanted to come in as they kept up their persistent knocking until Draco threw the door open angrily and ended up glaring at none other than Hermione and Ron.

"Geez took you long enough, thought you were never going to open the door." Ron said cheerfully. His blue eyes swept over Draco's slightly disheveled clothing and hair that he hadn't bothered to fix since the morning, and his eyes widened.

"Oh…we didn't interrupt anything…ummmm private did we?" Ron asked anxiously a blush starting to form.

Draco blinked looking blank for a moment before glancing down at himself, realization suddenly hitting him as to what it must have looked like he had been doing. He was usually much neater otherwise.

"Oh no." he said quickly "you haven't interrupted anything…Harry's not even here right now."

"Oh no" Hermione said softly. "He's not out drinking again is he?" She took Draco's sigh and downcast expression as a yes on his part.

"You want to come in?" Draco offered offhandedly figuring it was best to be polite considering Hermione and Ron lived out of town and it would be unfair to just send them away after travelling here. Much as he wished they would leave. He didn't hate them but being alone right now was what he really wanted. 

They came in and settled into the overstuffed black leather couch. It had taken Draco almost a month to convince Harry to buy the expensive lounge suite, and once he had that bought it was only sensible to buy all new furniture and other pieces to compliment the lounge. Or at least that's what he had preached to Harry. Really he was just sick of the old ratty (at least he thought it was ratty) furniture they bought when they first moved into the apartment. Draco couldn't help but smile at the memories of how much Harry had hated having to re decorate as he moved into the kitchen.

"Coffee? Tea?" He asked.

"Coffee for both of us thanks." Hermione answered "So…how long has he been gone today?" She asked tentatively.

"Since around ten this morning." Draco answered "How much sugar?"

"One for me." Said Hermione. 

"Two." Said Ron.

"Your not having two." Retorted Hermione "its too much sugar."

Ron sighed dramatically "Fine then one." He said as he held up two fingers so Hermione couldn't see. Draco smirked as he put two spoonfuls of sugar into Ron's cup, stirring them briefly before brining the cups into the lounge setting them onto the coffee table and taking a seat opposite them.

Ron sipped his coffee, grinning when he tasted the extra sugar before his expression turned somber as he fully took in Draco's miserable expression.

"You guys fought again didn't you?" he asked.

Draco laughed bitterly "When are we not?" letting his head fall into his hands "I don't know what to do anymore, I really don't he's going to end up killing himself if he keeps this up." He said miserably.

"I tried to bring it up once or twice." Ron said "he wasn't interested, insists he's not a drunk."

"I know" Hermione said quietly "When I tried we ended up fighting and he stopped talking to me for a week."

Draco growled in frustration. "I'd give anything to have a healthy live you know and he's voluntarily destroying his!…but its my fault he's like this though."

"Draco" Hermione started shaking her head.

"No it's true, he started drinking when I found out about the cancer. He hates seeing me sick like this, that's why he does it."

"That's hardly your fault Draco." Ron pointed out.

"So what are we going to do?" Asked Hermione.

"There's nothing that we can do." Said Draco "He doesn't want help plain and simple, and until he sees he has a problem himself he'll continue to refuse help and…" Draco trailed off staring at the carpet silently.

"And what?" Hermione prompted.

"And I can't take it anymore. I want to help him but he doesn't want anything from me so…I think that I'm…going to have leave him."

"Your going to do what?!" Ron said in disbelief "Harry needs you to help him!"

"No I need him and isn't there for me!" Draco cried, "He never is! I'm having surgery in two months and where do you think he's going to be when that happens?" he finished bitterly "Dead drunk in some bar, I may as well be alone." Draco sighed glancing back up at Hermione and Ron. "Enough is enough, I can't stand all the fighting and Harry's constant drinking I want to leave I really do."

"Where will you go?" Hermione asked sadly.

"Most likely back to my parents at least until after the operation anyway…After that I don't know."

She nodded slowly understanding where Draco was coming from. He needed support from Harry and it wasn't fair that he wasn't getting it, after all she didn't know what she would do without Ron if she was in a similar situation. Yet…Draco's leaving was going to crush Harry once he found out. Despite his terrible behavior this past year she knew Harry absolutely adored the blond it was just Harry couldn't stand seeing Draco so sick and in pain. He was scared that he was going to lose someone else he loved and didn't know how to deal. That much she did understand.

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*That's why he drinks.*She realized _*To forget Draco's pain rather than his own.*_

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*_Oh Harry lets hope that this opens your eyes and makes you see what your doing is wrong…*_

"Hey Harry it's your turn to buy the next round!" Seamus yelled gleefully over the noise of the bar they were in.

"Didn't I just buy you guys a round." Harry asked.

"That was like two rounds ago mate." Cale, a fellow Aurora, chimed in.

"Oh fine" Harry said pulling out some notes and throwing them on the table. Seamus grabbed them and headed up to the counter. Harry toyed with his glass absently swirling the brown liquid, sipping it only occasionally.

In truth he wasn't drunk, not really. Surprisingly he had only had about four drinks since he left the apartment. He couldn't get Draco's words out of his head.

'I won't be here when you get back'

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*He wasn't serious was he?* He thought troubled. Draco had never threatened with leaving before. He had been angry with Draco before as far as he was concerned his lover was trying to deny him the one thing he needed most.

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*Wait needed? Are you saying you need to drink?* His internal voice suddenly piped up.

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Then doesn't that make you addicted.?*

*No* He countered that thought savagely _*No it doesn't.*_

*Just because I like to occasionally have a drink-*

*Occasionally?*

*Ok just cause I like to drink more often than other people do…that doesn't mean…That…*

*Oh yes what does it mean then? Do tell?*

*I'm not a drunk!* Harry thought angrily slamming his glass onto the tabletop startling the others. _*I'm not!*_

*Everybody knows* the voice suddenly turned chillingly cold*****They talk about it behind your back, but you at least know that don't you? Everyone will end up hating you. Draco already does.*

Harry gasped at that thought. Could he really hate him?

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*Oh yes he could. I wouldn't blame him. You say you love him, but you're never there. You hit him today, he was only trying to help you and you hit him. What kind of a person does that make you?*

Harry blinked away tears as he thought about it. It was true he treated Draco horribly today and for no good reason.

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*You've treated him like shit. He has cancer for heavens sake. Cancer. He needs you sober and you can't even do that. You can battle and destroy Voldemort and save the entire wizarding world but you can't support the person you're supposed to love above all else. Pathetic.* It sneered at him.

"Here Harry," said Seamus sliding another drink over to him. Harry blinked and stared at it.

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*Yeah Harry, have another drink, why not? He said he was going to leave you, probably already has, so its not like you have to worry about what he's going to say anymore. You're all by yourself now.*

*I don't want to be alone.* Harry thought desperately frightened by the thought.

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*All alone* It taunted _*You've driven everyone away, first your friends now your partner.*_

"No!" Harry shouted abruptly standing. Everyone jumped and looked at him shocked.

"Mate you alright?" Cale asked

"No. No I'm not." Harry mumbled "I don't want to be like this."

"Be like what?" Seamus asked confused.

Harry stared at every one of his friends as if seeing them for the first time. Draco had never liked any of his drinking buddies and looking at them now Harry was beginning to see why. They were drunk, acting stupidly shouting words with no sense to it and in general looking pathetic; he had never been sober enough to notice it before.

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*Am I really like all of them?*

His inner voice rolled its proverbial eyes at him.

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*I really am.* He realized with wonder. *_Look at me why am I doing this? I have a great life, good job, friends and Draco, why do I need to do this? How the hell is this fixing any of my problems? Shit I need to really think about this. I don't like this at all.*_

"Harry" Seamus tried again "Don't want to be like what?"

Harry looked at them all coldly "Like all of you." He answered grabbing his coat and leaving, everyone staring after him in shock.

Harry walked. He didn't know where he was going and didn't really care at the moment. His little revelation at the bar running over and over through his head to the point that it was giving him a major headache that he wasn't sure could be attributed solely to the alcohol.

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*How did I let it get this far?* He thought miserably _*A year a whole fucking year I've been doing this and what has it done for me? Nothing, the problems still there when I sober up. Draco's still sick…*_

His stomach tightened painfully at that thought. Yes Draco was still sick; he'd been through hell and back with all the treatments he had had.

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*But he doesn't drink himself into oblivion every night to deal does he?*****

He choked out a bitter laugh. No he didn't and Draco was the only person entitled to do so too.

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*But he isn't because he's stronger than you are.* 

Harry nodded to himself. That was true all Draco had ever asked for was him.

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*And you failed him*

And he failed him all because he hated to see his lover sick.

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*But it wasn't about you was it? It was about Draco it should have been nothing else but about Draco. You should have put your own pain and discomfort aside and helped him

"What am I going to do?" He asked out loud as he trudged along the worn pavement.

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Fix things if you still can…though it may be too late.*

It was by this time Harry noticed where his feet had unconsciously taken him. An old state heritage park. It was filled with old natives and willows and even had a pond and old stone benches littered throughout it. 

This was where he and Draco had stayed the night they had found out Draco had cancer. They had sat together on one of the benches facing the road and watched the traffic in silence.

It was here he stopped, breathing in the night air feeling his head clear slightly. He knew he had to go back and try and fix things if he could. He had been stuffing up long enough and he was so tired of the fighting…

"Well isn't this a coincidence."

Harry spun around at the familiar voice only to come face to face with Draco. His arms were folded against his chest trying to block out the cold, bag slung over his shoulder. He looked tired. Harry had never seen him look so tired before.

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*I did this to him* He realized sadly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. Draco shrugged.

"I don't really know. I figured that since this place marked the beginning of all the shit, it seemed only fitting that it should mark the end of it too."

"End" Harry echoed "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Harry" Draco replied softly.

"You're leaving?" He asked brokenly. Draco didn't answer but nodded.

"But…but you can't leave Draco please."

"What do you want' me to do Harry?" Draco snapped "I can't keep living like this, I can't watch you slowly kill yourself anymore."

"I can't either" Harry said softly. Draco frowned.

"What?"

"Your right Draco I have a problem…I need help."

"You can't keep doing this to me Harry, We fight you apologize and say you'll never do it again. But you do Harry you always do. You're always hurting me." Draco ended in a whisper looking away as tears threatened to spill once again.

"No Draco please…I…really mean it this time Draco I need you I cant…if you were to leave…I'd die…because I can't be without you I really can't"

Draco shook his head "How can I trust you? Harry you never mean it, everything you tell me is always a lie."

"No this time its for real Draco. Here." Harry pulled his wand out from his jacket "You know this wand means a lot to me. I want you to have it."

Draco's head snapped up to stare at him confusion in his gray eyes. 

"Why give me your wand?"

"It's my promise to you, that I mean it this time. I realized in the bar today that I don't want to be like this. I don't want to keep hurting you and myself…I know you have no reason to believe me but Draco please…" Harry trailed off tears forming in his eyes. 

"You've really hurt me Harry, no one has ever hurt me as much as you have."

Harry nodded miserably.

"…Don't ever do it again."

Harry looked at Draco with wide eyes "What did you say?" He asked hopefully praying he hadn't misheard.

"For some insane reason, or maybe I've just got a screw loose, I actually believe you. If your really serious then I'll help you but if you stuff up again then its over and I mean it."

"Thank you so much!" Harry cried out flinging his arms around his boyfriend "I love you" he mumbled.

"I love you too." Draco breathed.

"Well isn't this sweet." A drunken voice slurred behind them. 

Harry released Draco and turned around only to see Cale, Seamus and the others standing there. Draco narrowed his eyes angrily at Cale. He absolutely hated Cale he always felt that there was something not right with him.

"What are you guys doing here?" Harry asked confused.

"Looking for you." Seamus answered "We were wondering why you left so quickly."

"And we wants to give you this." Cale jumped in holding out the glass filled with brandy that Harry had left there. Draco looked worriedly at Harry.

"I don't want it Cale." Harry said firmly.

"What, why not?" Cale demanded hotly.

"I just don't alright?"

"Oh I get it. Your little blonde tart over there told you not to right." He grinned showing more white teeth than Draco thought should be allowed. It made him look more than a little mental.

"What did you just say?" Harry growled out.

"You heard me. Your little slut of a boyfriend threaten to withhold sex or something if ya drank right? He always did hate the fact that you knew how to have a little fun."

"Don't you ever call him that again Cale." Green eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Just forget it Harry lets go." Draco jumped in not wanting this to turn into a fight.

"Yeah" Cale slurred "Why don't you follow your tramp on home." He sing songed nastily "unless he wants to have a bit of fun here first of course." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Draco. Draco shrank back in disgust.

"Shut it now Cale, Your drunk just go home." Harry spat out angrily moving to stand in front of Draco his possessiveness of him kicking in. Cale's grin if possible widened.

"Maybe, maybe but still doesn't change the fact that your boyfriend is a little-"

He was cut off as Harry finally lost the tiny shred of patience he had to begin with. He lunged and landed directly on top of Cale pushing them both to the ground. Fists started flying, Harry having a good advantage since he was more sober than Cale.

"Don't you ever talk to him like that again!" Harry screamed angrily smashing a fist into Cale's nose. The girls in the group started to scream and Seamus and Draco stood stunned by the display of violence. They looked at each other helplessly knowing that there was no way they could possibly stop the fight, not unless they wanted to take a few beatings themselves. Harry was too absorbed in his anger to notice that his wand had slipped from his grasp and lay forgotten on the ground some feet away but Cale still had his. He managed to free an arm long enough to pull his wand from his pocket and aimed shakily at Harry, shrieking some curse Harry had never heard before. Using his quick seeker reflexes he knocked the wand off balance as a burst of blue light shot from the tip. He felt the heat of it as it shot past him, and then he heard someone scream. 

Turning he was just in time to see Draco, who had moved to pick up Harry's wand, had inadvertently stepped into the hex's path. He had no time to dodge it as it slammed into him sending him flying back to land roughly on the road.

If Harry had been fully by his senses he would have abandoned the fight to tend to Draco, but all he managed to register was that Cale had hurt him before blind anger took over, and slamming Cale's wand hand down began to pummel him with his free one again, screaming obscenities at him.

Draco coughed weakly, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to overcome the pain shooting through his lower back. He didn't know what kind of a hex that had been but it left him feeling rather weak and disorientated. Struggling to regain his senses he opened his eyes and immediately wanted to close them again. He couldn't focus on anything specific and the entire world seemed to be spinning around him at a rapid pace. He could

still hear the fight going on and people screaming, he was surprised that they hadn't drawn attention from any of the people in the apartments across the road yet. 

He managed to fight the sick feeling in his stomach and roll onto his side and using his arms, though they threatened to collapse under him, pushed himself into an awkward sitting position.

He tried to call out to Harry to let him know he was all right but his voice got stuck in his throat and all he managed was a pathetic squeak. He frowned and opened his mouth to try again.

"Shit Draco look out!" Seamus suddenly screamed.

What happened next was a blur though to everyone else at the time it seemed everything played in slow motion.

Draco hearing the warning blinked and painfully slowly turned only to see the bright headlights of an oncoming car as it screamed around the corner at a dangerous speed.

Draco had just enough time to widen his eyes and utter Harry's name in an attempt to call for help before the car was upon him. 

It slammed into him with crushing force, dragging him under its wheels without apparent effort, rolling over him as if he wasn't even there. It dragged him along for about half a meter before throwing him from under it like a useless rag doll. His body rolled once before coming to a stop, lying on his side face turned away from them all.

"Oh no" Harry breathed out, he had stopped fighting when he heard Seamus scream and had watched helplessly as his lover was run over.

The car itself screeched to a stop for a moment, tail lights still glowing in the darkness, before suddenly taking off the driver obviously not wanting to get into trouble for what they did.

Snapping out of his shock Harry leapt off of Cale and ran across the road practically throwing himself over Draco's still body.

"Draco?" He asked shaking him slightly "Draco baby please wake up." Harry gingerly rolled him over and gathered him into his arms.

Blood was running from Draco's nose in a steady flow and from the back of his head blood was also seeping out dyeing his blonde locks a grotesque red. His eyes were closed and his face scratched up from the road. If it wasn't for all the blood Harry could have sworn he was only sleeping.

Harry felt like his heart had stopped the pain was so great in his chest that he almost forgot to breathe.

"Someone call for help" He screamed out looking back briefly to see Seamus nod sharply.

"Give me your cell phone Cale." Seamus ordered pulling the brunette to his feet.

"I…I didn't mean to…" He stammered.

"Just shut up Cale and give me the fucking phone!" Seamus barked reaching into Cale's pockets searching for the phone himself.

"You'll be alright baby we gonna get help for you." Harry whispered "see we're calling for help now, you'll be just fine."

His eyes filled with tears blurring his vision, he angrily tried to wipe them away. A drop fell onto Draco's cheek but he didn't stir.

"You have to wake up Draco I meant what I said, I'm never going to drink again I promised you remember? And don't forget you have to have your operation soon, you'll get better and…and we'll go on a trip or something to celebrate…yeah that's what we'll do…Draco?…Draco!…please!" Harry sobbed clutching Draco to his chest not caring that his shirt was getting stained with blood "please…just say something…please. This is all my fault I'm so sorry so sorry." Harry buried his face into Draco's hair.

"I love you Draco." He whispered fiercly "I always will…I'll never disappoint you again I promise."

Leaning forward Harry placed a kiss upon Draco's lips tasting the copper flavor of Draco's blood as it leaked from his mouth.

"Never again." 

In the distance sirens could be heard.

The End

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The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid

and deeds left undone.

-Harriet Beecher Stowe


	2. chapter 2

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I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long time but I have recently lost my boyfriend, Leigh, of two years to a car accident. This happened about 3 weeks ago so I haven't been in the mood for updating. I wasn't honestly planning on making this a multi chaptered fic I really wasn't. It was supposed to be a one shot but I've been swamped by emails asking for more. I probably could have made this chapter better, I did try so sorry if it's no good.

Disclaimer: I still don't own.

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There was wind. It was cold. The night wrapped around the both of them in a loving caress, cutting them off from the society around them. Intimate. Isolating and somewhat lonely. On any other occasion this would be considered a blessing, time alone was hard to come by for the pair. But not tonight. Tonight there was a chill on the air and an unidentifiable sense of pain lingered in the atmosphere. Something terrible was happening.

"So" The question was spoken softly, in a tone that suggested that the speaker didn't really want to know the answer.

"I got the test results back." An equally soft reply.

Green eyes looked imploringly into misty silver ones.

"And?"

Silence.

"Draco please."

"I'm sick Harry."

Harry closed his eyes, pain clenching his heart in a vice like grip.

"Sick how?" The green orbs once again locked onto silver.

"Its…cancer Harry. I've got cancer." Draco choked on the words starting to shake violently. Harry immediately wrapped his arms about his lover holding the trembling body close to his own as he fought to control his own sobs.

"I'm so, so sorry Draco, I'm so sorry." Harry repeated over and over, stroking Draco's hair trying to comfort him.

"Well get through it."

"How Harry?" Draco sobbed. "What if…what if I don't get better? I don't want to die!"

"Never" Harry stated firmly. "That's never going to happen Draco."

*We won't let. He promised silently. We won't let it.*

There was wind. It was cold. Icy gusts crept in through the open window, ruffling the curtains and sliding over the large bed. The occupant shifted stretching an arm out across the sheets blindly. Searching. His mind unwilling to let go of the memory that lingered that once a warm body shared his bed.

A tear slid down his cheek.

A sob.

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"I'm really worried about him Ron."

"I know Mione. He hasn't been into work for a month now."

"A month" Hermione repeated "ever since Draco…"

"Yeah." Ron nodded "I think the Ministry's getting annoyed with him being away for so long, there's been some talk of him being fired."

"What?!" Hermione shifted in the passenger seat to face her husband "They can't do that! They know what he's going through!"

"You don't have to tell me that Mione, tell them. Though I do agree with the absent part. He needs to get out of that apartment. This whole self isolation thing he's got going on cant be healthy."

Hermione slumped back in her seat, her eyes downcast.

"I'm really getting worried. He's in so much pain but he won't let anyone help him."

"Well that's why we're going to see him today isn't it? To try and help?"

"Yeah…try."

They had half been expecting an emotional wreck. They had even expected that he would be back on the booze and blind drunk, but the person who answered the door was neither. He was worse. He looked cold, a stony emotionless shell of what he once was. His face was an expressionless mask, his eyes were dull.

"Oh…hey."

"Hey mate." Ron said making a strained effort to be cheerful.

"Come in." Harry said shuffling back inside.

"Well at least he's letting us in this time." Ron mumbled to his wife.

The apartment was clean enough, minimal rubbish at least. It was dark, all the curtains drawn, and very cold. Hermione noted with a small amount of relief that the smell of alcohol wasn't around nor could she see any signs of any bottles either.

However Harry didn't look good. His hair was more mussed than what was usual even for him. He was sloppily dressed and very pale and sickly looking. He even looked as if he had lost weight. That was not an encouraging sign. She pursed her lips.

"So why are you here?" Harry asked bluntly.

"Well." Hermione started. "We were going out today we thought you might like to come."

"No I don't."

"Oh come on." Ron interjected "It will be fun."

"I don't think so."

"Harry I really think that-"

"I don't care what you think Hermione I said no."

Hurt by the harsh words but trying not to show it she tried again.

"Harry you need to get out, you've locked yourself away ever since the funeral and-"

"Don't," Harry said quietly "Just don't."

"But Harry.."

"I said don't." Harry's voice began raising in anger. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I think you should Harry, you need someone to talk to. I know that you're hurting right now."

"Shut up!" Harry yelled. Ron and Hermione jumped.

"You don't have any clue as to how much I'm fucking hurting right now, so just shut up."

"Look she only trying to help you." Ron said.

"Well I don't want it!" Harry screeched "I never asked for it!"

"Well you certainly need it." Hermione snapped "Draco's dead Harry. I know it's hard but you need to start piecing your life back together, you need help."

"Get out." Harry's voice was eerily calm but held an unmistakable threatening edge to it.

"What?"

"I said get out. I don't want to talk to either one of you right now."

"Harry." Ron started.

"Don't you understand the words get out?! Go. Leave. I don't want you here." With that Harry stomped back to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Ron sighed "let's just go, we're not helping here right now."

"But…" Hermione trailed off biting at her bottom lip as she eyed the door Harry had just slammed. She sighed heavily her arms dropping to her side. She nodded slowly.

__

*Harry cant you see your grief is killing you. I don't want to lose you, please let us help you.*

*******************************************************************

His eyes were blurry and it wasn't because he wasn't wearing his glasses. Hot tears clouded up his line of vision but he made no move to scrub them away. Instead his hands buried themselves in his raven locks, gripping the strands and pulling hard enough that the hair was threatening to tear from his scalp. He couldn't feel it though, he felt numb. The only feeling he had was the anger and pain inside of him.

"Why did you leave me?!!" he screamed.

"Why did you take him from me?!"

Silence.

With a scream of frustration he hurled a framed photograph, from the bedside table, across the room.

It smashed into the wall, the glass shattering into a million tiny glittering shards.

"Oh no." Harry breathed out as it sunk in as to what he had just done.

"No!"

He threw himself to the floor, ignoring the sharp hot pain as the glass bit into his hands. He frantically sorted through the debris and finally extracted the crumpled photo that had been inside of it. It was scratched up a bit but thankfully still intact. It had been the last photo that had ever been taken of himself and Draco.

Shaking, bloody, hands smoothed it out as best they could and a trembling finger slowly traced over the glossy paper tears splashing on the surface. He cradled the photo to himself as he got up from the floor and sat hard on the end of the bed, breathing heavily.

Why was this happening to him? First his parents, then Sirius and now…now Draco was gone too. Everyone kept leaving him. Why? Wasn't he a good person? He saved the world, he didn't deserve this!

"I want you back." He whispered furiously.

"It's not fair, and I want you back!"

His eyes suddenly fell upon his wand lying on the floor. His eyes widened as an idea wormed its way into his head.

Perhaps he could get him back…

******************************************************************

He glided soundlessly down the corridor; years of Aurora training had taught him to mask his footsteps well. He shifted his invisibility cloak to cover himself a bit more, not wanting to take the risk of being seen. Stealing after all wasn't looked upon kindly. At the end of the corridor a locked, heavyset, oak door stood. Stopping at the door Harry pulled his wand out and tapped the lock.

"Alohomora." 

The lock clicked and the door swung open- Harry glided through it and shut it quickly. Blood was pounding in his ears, if he got caught…

He shook the thought off and licked his lips. It was going to be worth it he knew that much. He let out the breath he had been holding in, nerves gone, he held up his wand.

"Lumos." 

The tip ignited and spread its light about the room. This was it, the Ministry's library of confiscated books. There were literally hundreds of dark arts books lining the shelves most had been taken from the homes of Death Eaters though some had been taken off the black market too.

Harry set to work, using his wand light to read the titles, finger running over the spines as he went.

Luckily for him it only took a couple of minutes to find what he was looking for. He pulled a small black and dusty book from the shelf. Its faded gold lettering stamped across the cover spelled out the title:

NECROMANCY, VODDOO AND BLACK MAGIC.

Harry smiled.

"Nox."

******************************************************************

She shouldn't have come back, today anyway. Harry needed time she knew that only…she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong. As much as she tried to dismiss it and put it down to overreacting she couldn't. In the end she had begged Ron to drive her back to Harry's apartment so she could at least put this nagging feeling to rest. She had left Ron in the car, with assurances that she would be good to go up alone.

She knocked. The door swung open easily. This was unexpected.

"Hello?" She called out waiting for a response.

None came.

"Harry?"

She stepped into the apartment. It looked the same as it did this morning. Nothing seemed out of place or suspicious. It was just quiet. Very quiet.

"Harry are you here?"

Nothing.

Her nerves began acting up again as she walked through the apartment. She checked the kitchen, the lounge room and even the laundry there was no sign of him. He couldn't have gone out, he seemed determined to waste away inside his apartment.

Wait what was that?

A sliver of light could be seen underneath the crack of the bathroom door. Her blood ran cold. He wouldn't…

__

*Oh please no.*

Her sweaty hand grasped the doorknob and turned. The door opened and revealed…nothing.

She let out a harsh breath; her stomach slowly unclenched itself. She had been fearing the worst then; grief after all could make people to desperate things. She reached up and flicked the light off. There was one more room to go. The bedroom.

The bedroom was a mess, bits of glass littered the floor and there were clothes strewn carelessly about. Draco was always the neat freak not Harry. She smiled wryly at that, remembering the couple's fights over the cleanliness of the apartment. They were always funny to watch.

She was about to leave when a small opened book lying on the bed caught her eyes. She walked over picked it up for a closer look. At first she thought it may have been a diary but upon closer inspection she saw that it was no diary at all. She recognized the spidery like writing to be infact spells. Not just standard spells either, there were dark. 

The book was entirely hand written the ink smudged in some places. A definite one of a kind, very expensive and very illegal. Turning the delicate tissue paper like pages she grew more and more alarmed as she read over the various spells and hexes. What was Harry doing with such a book? Where would he even pick up something like this? She was almost certain that Draco had kept some of his families old spell books around somewhere in the apartment but nothing this dark, so it couldn't have been his.

She noticed that one of the pages had been torn out, curious she flipped to the front and scanned the contents. She gasped in horror when she saw what was on the missing page.

Resurrection.

She dropped the book.

********************************************************************

He scanned over the page once more making sure he was clear on what he had to do.

**__**

Resurrection:

Approach the grave of the chosen corpse at sunset or midnight. Draw a circle around the grave; burn a mixture of henbane, aloe wood, hemlock, saffron, opium, and mandrake. With the coffin open, touch the corpse three times with a wand and tell it to rise. 

He already had drawn the circle and had arranged the ingredients, made ready for the burning. It would be sunset soon too so all he had to do was dig up Draco's coffin. He felt like he was in a daze as he went for the shovel he had brought with him, he was both giddy and scared, it was the continual knowledge that he would soon have his Draco back that was urging him on now. He lifted the shovel in the air ready to plunge it into the earth.

"Harry!"

"Harry stop!"

Harry dropped the shovel in surprise and with narrowed eyes, turned around just as Ron and Hermione rushed up.

"Get out of here."

"Like hell we will!" Ron fumed. "What the hell do you think your doing?!" 

"What ever it takes." Harry snapped back.

"Harry you cant do this." Hermione pleaded "This isnt right."

"Taking him away from me wasn't right!" Harry screamed.

"But Harry this is wrong! That spell is pure evil. People never come back right!"

"It will still be Draco." Harry argued.

"Mate listen to reason, this spell isn't going to help you."

"Shut up." Harry clapped his hands over his ears. "Just shut up! Leave me alone!"

"Not going to happen." Ron said firmly moving closer to Harry. 

Harry suddenly pulled out his wand and aimed it threateningly at Ron.

"Don't make me curse you Ron, because so help me I will."

"Harry we've been friends forever. I only want to help you please."

"Back off Ron." Harry growled.

"Expelliarmus!" Hermione shouted.

Harry let out a frustrated yell as his wand flew out of his hand to land a few feet away. He ran forward to pick it up but Ron was quicker and he tackled Harry to the ground. As they were struggling the spell fell out of Harry's hand and it fluttered a short way away. Hermione spotted it and raised her wand. Harry went very still when he realized what Hermione was going to do.

"No Hermione don't." Harry pleaded.

"I'm sorry Harry." Hermione said closing her eyes as tears started to leak out. She pointed her wand at the spell.

"No please!" Harry cried out renewing his struggles against Ron.

"Incendio."

The spell burst into flames.

Harry managed to knock Ron off of him and flung himself upon the still burning spell, trying desperately to put out the flames, burning his hands in the process.

Ron swore and grabbed his friend about the waist and hauled him away from the fire. Harry spasmed and twisted in Ron's embrace his every fiber fighting. After a few minutes the flames died down, and Harry went slack in Ron's grip. Ron loosened his hold slightly and Harry roughly wrenched himself loose. He turned to them, a wild look in his eyes.

"Why did you do that?!" he shrieked.

"We did it to save you." Hermione retorted her chest heaving.

"Save me? Save me? How the hell did you save me?!" Harry was getting hysterical again. "You stopped me from getting back the one thing that could save me!"

"Your wrong Harry!" Hermione was screaming now too. "If you had performed that spell it wouldn't have been right! The person you would have gotten wouldn't have been Draco, he may have looked like Draco but it wouldn't be the same! He wouldn't be the same. That spell is evil Harry no good can ever come out of an evil spell and you know it!" Her voice softened. "You being blinded by grief, you can't see the damage you would have caused, it wouldn't have been fair on Draco or yourself for that matter. I know you're in pain Harry but this is not the way."

"How do you know what pain I'm in? You have no idea Hermione!" Harry was shaking and his voice started cracking.

"It hurts me everyday. It doesn't stop it never stops! He was everything to me and now he's gone. I don't deserve this I don't." Harry fell to the ground. 

Ron automatically went to his side and flung his arms about Harry hugging him tightly. With a strangled cry Harry slumped against Ron crying.

"Oh Harry" Hermione whispered sinking to her knees beside her husband and her best friend. She also wound her arms around Harry feeling the violently trembling body as he sobbed. Her heart was breaking.

"Sometimes terrible things happen Harry, I can't explain to you why, they just do. Its wrong and its unfair and you don't deserve it Harry, you've already lost so many and it hurts me that you have to go through this again. You don't deserve this, you don't all I can say is that I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry you have to feel this pain."

"Mione I can't take it. I thought I could deal but I cant. What am I going to do without him?"

"We are going to help you. I promise you we will." Ron said biting back his tears.

Ron and Hermione hugged Harry and rocked him back and forth as one would a child as he clung to them like his one and only lifeline, and in every way they were.

They sat like that together as the afternoon gave way to night, Ron and Hermione whispering soothing words and assurances that all would be ok someday. 

The sun dipped behind the hills.

__

Its such a perfect day,

I'm glad I spent it with you,

Such a perfect day,

You just keep me hanging on.

Lou Reed, Perfect Day


End file.
